16 things to do if your twin flame is abusive and manipulative

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If you have a twin flame who is abusive and manipulative, it’s hard to know what to do. 

Your twin flame might hurt you verbally or physically, control how much money you earn, or treat your friends badly. 

But the good news is that there are steps you can take if your twin flame is abusive and manipulative.

1) Build compassionate boundaries

Twin flames who are abusive have difficulty managing their anger, which is sometimes intentional and sometimes a result of subconscious feelings of shame from the past.  

In either case, your twin flame may be prone to harm you physically or psychologically in an attempt to get their way. 

If your twin flame is abusive and manipulative, it’s important to build compassionate boundaries so you don’t feel like you always have to give in and do what they want. 

It can be helpful to keep a journal where you write down positive things about yourself, such as the things that make you special or the goals that you’ve accomplished in life.  

It’s also important not to keep secrets from your twin flame because secrets can lead to both partners being manipulative with each other. 

Finally, if your relationship is violent, it can help to make an action plan for what you’ll do if there’s another fight or argument between the two of you.

And remember: 

When building compassionate boundaries, it’s important to build self-esteem as well. This can be helpful for both partners in the relationship. 

2) Protect your energy

It’s also important to protect your energy when your twin flame is abusive.  

Think of yourself as a battery, with a positive and negative side.  

Good energy flows into the positive side of the battery, while bad energy flows into the negative side of the battery.  

But if your twin flame is abusive and manipulative, they may try to get you to put harmful energy into your positive side. 

This is why it’s important to always make sure that you’re surrounded by positive people and good vibes.  

This will help keep bad energy from flowing into your life and keep the positivity flowing in.

3) Connect with a counselor who specializes in twin flame dynamics

There are different types of twin flames and healing from a toxic twin flame can be hard.  

If your twin flame is abusive or manipulative, it’s important to reach out to a professional who can help you and your partner work through the issues in your relationship.  

A good support system and positive energy flowing into your life are also helpful in these situations.  

It’s important to stay positive and have faith that there’s something better in store for you and your situation. 

There are several ways that you can use to connect with a counselor for help with a toxic relationship.  

You can check out community resources in your area or reach out to national support groups such as the Twin Flame Union Facebook group, which has more than 1,000 members outside of Facebook, where people share their experiences with negative twin flames.

4) Stand up for yourself

Have you ever found yourself playing the role of peacekeeper when your twin flame is abusive or toxic?  

It’s easy to feel like you have to give in to their demands, especially if they’re your twin flame.  

If you’ve tried staying quiet, thinking that a peaceful relationship is better than one filled with fighting and arguing, this may not be true for you.    


That’s because, in a healthy relationship, two people can share their feelings and thoughts without worrying that their twin flame is going to hurt them or control them. 

One of the first signs of an abusive relationship is one where the toxic twin flame decides that they know what’s good for you and tries to manipulate you into doing something.   

This can be very disturbing in a relationship, especially if your twin flame is doing this without any regard for your feelings.   

It’s imperative that you learn when to stand up for yourself and what boundaries you need to have in your life with a good support network around you. 

5) Remember that your twin flame is a reflection of you

The term “twin flame” is a metaphor, so understand that you and your twin aren’t literally identical. 

The symbolism of a twin flame is that you both have the same soul and “mirror” each other in your energies, but that not everything about you is the same.  

Let’s dig a little deeper:

You will likely have similarities, but differences as well. You might be similar in how you think or see things, but your beliefs or views will likely be different from each other.  

Additionally, when you accept this truth and understand it in a deeper way, it becomes easier to work through any issues that crop up between you and your twin flame.  

While one person’s personal demons might hurt the other’s feelings, if they are always thinking about their own pain or what they can get out of someone else instead of truly being there for their partner in a healthy way – then this can become toxic to the relationship.

So remember that your twin flame is a reflection of the best parts of you, but also a reflection of the worst parts.

You can learn to love and support each other in new ways that bring out your positive qualities while weeding out the negative ones. 

This makes it easier for both of you to accept this truth and work together in a healthy way.

6) Find out if there are any red flags in your relationship

There are some red flags that indicate the risk of an abusive relationship (and many others that do not) such as:

  • How often and how long do you spend together outside of the relationship?
  • How often do you communicate with your twin flame outside of the relationship?
  • How often do you think about your twin flame or miserable about your life in general?

If your relationship has any or all of these signs but doesn’t fit entirely in one category – then it’s not safe to assume it’s a healthy relationship.   

Don’t go into this blind.  

Be sure to do some research on the internet or talk to someone you trust. Make a decision whether or not this is a good situation for both of you and stick with it.

7) Stop giving them your validation and approval

Yes, well that’s probably like the hardest thing to do in this entire article.  

We are constantly giving them our validation and approval to continue this relationship because they’re our twin flame. 

It happens subconsciously: 

We find ourselves continuously defending them, supporting them, and loving them as though they are something special.

But you know what?  

They may be something special – but only to you. They may have a lot of qualities that we love – but not everyone else.

And therein lies the problem when you get involved with someone who is not worthy of your love and attention – it’s hard to let go of them.

The only way out of tough situations like this is by stopping giving them your validation and approval.

So you have to let go of someone who is not worth it – you need to stop giving them your love and attention.

Just put down the illusion of this person being anything other than what they are – a limited experience that doesn’t deserve your time and energy.

8) Stay connected and empowered

You have to stay connected with your family and friends, creating a network of people who can help you in the unfortunate times that you will need them.  

You need to empower yourself through meditation, books, or other therapies that provide you with clarity and focus.

Once you have these things – and once they are firmly in place – then continue keeping distance from your twin flame.

If you don’t know where to begin with any of these things, then start small.  

Focus on one thing at a time.  

If you’ve never meditated before – do it for 5 minutes 3 times per day.  If you’ve never read a self-help book before – read something for longer than 5 minutes 3 times per day; if you’ve never visited therapy – go there for 20 minutes 3 times per day (it’s fine if it’s once in a while).

It’s a lot to try to do everything at once, but it’s better to start with a few small things and then build up from there.  

Trust me on this – you’ll be glad you did!

9) Show them you’re not afraid to leave

If you haven’t already, it’s time to start doing the things that show your twin flame that you’re not afraid to leave.

Some of these things you can do now – like distance yourself from them, and do something for yourself for a change.

But some of these things are good to start doing when you have more experience and confidence under your belt.

As you continue to do these things, remember that it’s not about them – it’s about you. You know who you are as a person, and you know what’s best for you in the long run.  

And if they’re not willing to listen to your advice – then they aren’t worth holding on to.

10) Be supportive of them changing

The more you show them that you’re not afraid to leave, the more they’ll start to change for the better.  

And with those changes come new opportunities for you to connect without them putting pressure on you.

But don’t be pushy – just let them know it’s alright if they want to figure things out on their own; they’re allowed to go at their own pace, and if they change their mind – all the better!

Here are some ways to show  your twin flame that you’re still supportive of them:

  • Remind them of their own promises to you; that if they’re going to do something, then it’s important for them to stay true to themselves.
  • Remind them of the things that attracted you to them in the first place – Things that don’t apply anymore, but still remain valuable to them.
  • Try being more understanding and accepting of yourself when it comes to how they see you or treat you.
  • Find mutual connection points

When you become more mature yourself, there are ways to reconnect with your twin flame differently than you did as a teenager.

You can talk and share more casually and spend less time talking about superficial things, and more time getting to know each other through mutual interests.

It’s not necessary to do any of these things at once – start one or two at a time, and see how you feel about it.  

But don’t forget that the more times you’ve reconnected in the past – the easier it will be for you in the future! 

11) Have no contact for an extended period of time

The truth is your twin flame is abusive and manipulative, and you need to go through a time of no contact with him/her to heal your emotional wounds.

After some months, you will begin to feel better and realize that the other person has lost all of their power over you.

In order for this process to succeed, you have to separate yourself emotionally from the abusive twin flame.  

To do this, move on as soon as possible or break off all contact with them completely.

If you don’t make a clean break after an extended period of time (even though it may be painful), your twin flame will continue the abuse for the rest of their lives!

You must stop talking to them in order for them to stop playing mind games with you.  

If they trick you into talking again – it’s just going to continue getting worse and worse because they’ll know exactly how much progress there has been in healing your emotional wounds!

12) Talk to a trusted friend or family member

If you feel sick, afraid, or confused about what’s going on in your life, talk to a trusted friend or family member.

This person will confirm for you whether things are getting better for you or worse.  

They can see if your twin flame is still involved in your life and trying to manipulate you by making your conscious mind fall under their control again.

A good way to talk to a friend or family member is to have your twin flame’s texts, emails, etc.

It will help you see if they are still trying to control you or if they’ve moved on.  

Also, it will give you a sense of relief that someone you trust has confirmed for you that the other person has moved on and has lost all control over you.

13) Remove your twin flame from the unhealthy environment they’re in

Maybe the reason why your twin flame has been abusive towards you is that they are being abused by the people they surround themselves with.

You can remove this person from the toxic environment they are in, and then you won’t be under the victim’s control anymore.

This means that your twin flame will stop abusing you when they don’t have someone else to manipulate them into doing it.

So try to find out what’s going on and end their relationship with the other dysfunctional people who are also involved in their abusive relationship.

Let them know they can’t continue to be abusive in your presence anymore.  If they still refuse to stop, you should end it with them altogether.

Avoid anything that will trigger the twin flame’s emotions and make them feel controlled. This means certain places, smells, sounds, etc.

14) Don’t take it personally

Don’t make the mistake of taking things personally.

Even though your twin flame is hurting you, it’s not personal.

They’re doing it to themself and not to you.  They may not even know how they are hurting you, but they are using you as an excuse to hurt themselves.

So the point is to find out why they are doing it to themselves and stop it.

This is not a personal attack on you.  And don’t confuse this with a curse that’s been put on you by your twin flame or someone else.

The reason why things are happening to you is because of the energy that other people have placed in the area where your twin flame lives or works.

So instead of taking things personally, take the situation as neutral and learn from it. If you can use the situation to gain more understanding about what your twin flame is going through, then that’s okay too.


It’s always better to learn something through being hurt, than by being destroyed by something.

When disaster strikes, we are still able to stand up and use it to our advantage by making the right decisions.

So when you’re under attack from something, try learning from it instead of responding in the same way your twin flame is responding.

15) Don’t give in to their demands

They’ll never stop if you continue to give in to their demands.

It’s the same with your twin flame. Just like they have their own agenda and they are not playing fair, so will you if you give in to them.

Always put yourself first and everything else second. And this goes for your twin flame as well.

If you do this, your twin flame will eventually get tired of trying to control you and will move on to someone else.

If you wish to avoid being hurt by your twin flame or any other person or thing in your life (e.g., losing a job opportunity), then you must learn how to take care of yourself first before you think about anyone else.

16) Practice self-care and self-love exercises 

As we’ve discussed before, your twin flame is going to be abusive and manipulative towards you in a variety of ways. 

Of course, when we’re abused, we tend to believe the lies that have been perpetrated against us because everyone else around us is telling us that the person who is abusing us has our best interests at heart.

But trust me, they are not doing any of this for your best interests and in most cases, they will only use you to get what they want from you.

You’ll need to learn how to see through these lies as well as how to recognize when lies are being told in front of you and by people who are close to you (e.g., relatives or friends).

So work on practicing self-care (e.g., saying no to others when asked to do things for them) and self-love exercises (e.g., taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually).

You can also work on these skills by reading the “self-care” section of this website, watching videos on YouTube, or listening to cool music (e.g., self-help music) so that you can improve your ability to take care of yourself in the future.

Final thoughts

Hopefully, you will now have a better understanding of how to deal with the abuse that you’re experiencing from your twin flame. 

By now, you should know how to free yourself from your twin flame’s control and manipulation.

Although it can be tough going at times, trust me, the only way out of abusive relationships is by going through them.  

The sooner you start taking necessary precautions and learning new skills, the sooner you’ll be able to move on from this person who has messed up your life.


It’s never too late to change.  And you can always turn something bad into something good by learning how to use the situation to your advantage. 

So before you continue in this unhealthy relationship, try listening to that inner voice that knows better and use these tips regularly. You’ll be glad you did.

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